So I should preface this entry by disclaiming that this was written in 2010. It was a very stressful day, with a stressful trip to a neurosurgeon for my youngest son. It was a trip that would either land us in major surgery (on his spine) or would take us down the road to a series of follow up appointments to monitor his health and progress. Lastly, it’s a post about a great friend. But it seriously explains how everyone should see and treat denial in their lives. Enjoy.
So you go about your day, your normal routine. Getting up, getting coffee made, breakfast for the kids, kids off to school….and so on and so forth. And not to mention the constant mental lists running through your head about milk, dog food, is it dance or karate day, do I have any homework? And oh…….at some point in time your youngest child may or may not need major surgery on his vertebrae, near his spinal cord!
No biggie!
Denial is generally where that last thought goes. Or as I like to call it, the Five Star Hotel file. You see I have this whole, personal theory on denial. I equate it to a five star hotel. It’s great there. Great atmosphere, great service, wonderful fluffy towels, but SUPER expensive! So you can only really stay there for short periods of time and must always check out! Hence…head back in reality!
So that is where that little tidbit resides for some weeks of my life.
But then it comes crashing back into the forefront of my brain like a hungover rock star that has been kicked out of said five star hotel, for trashing it!
Today was the day I had to deal with the PR wave of that rock star. I had to brave a seemingly harmless University of Iowa, Neurosurgery Clinic routine follow up. With one of the most renowned neurosurgeons in the country, who usually gives me bad news!
Again….no biggie!
Okay, so do I brave up and put my big girl panties on and face it like a woman?
Hell no!! I, like the coward I am, enlist my good friend to come with me for moral support and comic relief! And of course she came, like the good friend that she is, and provided the aforementioned services!
So as we pack up the kids and start our long drawn out journey(we had to make other stops before the appointment that had nothing to do with the appointment, I just like cramming as much stuff to do to keep my mind off the appointment, in one day that I can) a feeling of uneasy was beginning to set in.
Quickly this was remedied by the conversation of two women, with a whole lot of nothing, but importantly funny, stuff to talk about! I’m still laughing about the story about 5 different remotes! And everytime I would turn the conversation to this feeling of unease and the fact that I just knew I was going to get bad news today, my good friend would tell me to shut-up!
This was a good thing! She wouldn’t allow me to feel sorry for myself or start to worry about things I had no control over. So then we would continue on with our trivial, entertaining conversation and the moment of unease would pass.
But then we arrive at the beautiful University of Iowa Hospital. And I point out Kinnick Stadium to the boys, as is our usual habit. And the unease is back, like water or waves getting ready to break the levee! Again I am shushed and pulled back into the present.
I can do this, I can walk into this gy-normus hospital, meet with this famous doctor and take what he has to say about my boys and be strong for them!
No biggie…..but really I just want to run to my mommy and have her make it all better!!!
So off I go, holding a small hand in each of my hands and walk with one foot in front of the other to see what our future holds.
After x-rays are taken and we are shown into our small room to await the doctor and his entourage (okay not entourage, his residents. It is a teaching hospital) the levee breaks. But my friend is there to not shush me this time, but to hold my hand and talk me through my moment of sheer and utter helplessness. I can’t fix this for my boys. I have no control over what the doctor is going to say and if and how he is going to fix anything that needs fixing. I am not in control. I can’t trade places with them and there is absolutely nothing I can do to remedy this. It’s all in His hands.
She continues to be my life line to sanity as the doctor walks in with a smile on his face! Good news is delivered! And we all breathe a sigh of relief!
It was great that she was there to hear the good news. I’m grateful for that. Because she too experiences some of the lows with my boys. Why shouldn’t she be there to witness some of the highs as well.
And I don’t know if she wants me to say who she is or not, hence why she has been referred to as ‘she’ this whole time. But I do have this to say to her. Thank you for being my friend. I am thankful for you, I am thankful for all my friends, but today is yours!
And as for the five star hotel I mentioned earlier….I’m sure I will still make an occasional getaway to it. But that’s when I have my friends and family to bring me home. I have a great support system in all the women and few men around me, and am thankful for all of you. Because without you, I would be lost in an eternal rock star binge!
But……..they have really great towels!!!!! 🙂
The Ramblings of a Forty-Something Year Old Woman. 